Looking back on my journey up....

Life, to me, is not a matter of climbing the hill and then after you hit a certain age, you are "over the hill" and headed down. It is a journey up the hill (or mountain?) culminating at the summit, that Celestial City as John Bunyan so aptly named it.....

I have made it through several seasons on this climb and I stop to look back.

 

My childhood: the turbulent years.

While I was loved dearly by my parents, these were turbulent years. My parents' relationship was stormy, to say the least, leaving me perpetually insecure. Even still, I felt loved until I started school. As an only child and one who was not exposed to other children, I honestly did not know how to interact with other children my age. I was great with most adults, but I just wasn't able to pick up on social cues, a crucial skill of survival for school kids. Just being nice is not always enough to offset awkward.

My mom had taught me just enough about God to whet my appetite. I knew He was real; I knew heaven was real; I knew hell was real. I just didn't know much else. At 15 years old, after 3 years of seeking, I came to know the Lord.  I had made a profession of faith at a Billy Graham movie when I was 12. Then when I was in 10th grade a schoolmate led me to the Lord. (Lesson here: don't be afraid to speak about the Lord at school.) My life changed. The old me died and I was born again.

Growing-up-years were rough. Never missed that season a day in my life. I feel that my "real" life began when I married my life-long best friend, Mike.

Life begins in earnest.

I married in my senior year of high school, still managing to graduate number 10 in a class of 275. I loved being married. Mike was my knight in shining armor. Our home was peaceful and we served the Lord together. We had our first child 15 months later. Mike was discharged out of the Navy and went back to school and more children came. We were dirt poor! We fondly remember picking up cola bottles and redeeming them for a deposit so that we would have gasoline money. But we were happy and the Lord even provided a house for us that we still live in 34 years later.

An adventure begins.

Hannah, our firstborn, turned 5 and we began homeschooling her (another story entirely). These were years of having babies, building character, homeschooling, and growing. We have lots of happy memories from those days. The Lord provided ways for us to travel and we had plenty of field trips for the kids. Our younger children were involved in our local homeschool group, which I was privileged to lead for 2 years. We served those around us and our kids still have big hearts that reach out to others. We did skits for grandparents. We memorized Scripture and helped start an AWANA program at our church. We had many missionaries in our home. We mailed Turkish Bibles to homes in Turkey whose addresses were taken from Turkish phone books. Our kids attended Camp Hope, a Christian camp in North Georgia. I served as a cabin counselor there, as well. At home, I read many books aloud to the children. Some were classics but mostly I read missionary stories to them. Reading the Bible and a book was as part of our daily routine as eating breakfast. In all, we homeschooled 30 years with a short two year break while I was in nursing school. Individual days were sometimes difficult and certainly not without tears, but, as a whole, they were happy and wonderful times.


The dark years.

During those years, I led women's Bible studies and had the blessed privilege of discipling some women who became dear friends to me. I completed the Schofield Bible correspondence course through Moody Bible Institute. I poured myself in training my children to love the Lord. These were all special times in my life, but I allowed sin in my life to put opportunities for ministry on the back burner for a while. (A sort of  spiritual "time out") Sin is subtle for those who are following the Lord and often comes in disguise, a "quicker" way to spirituality. Satan weaves our sinful desires into our honest, spiritual desires and creates deception in our minds and hearts. Our desire to be more spiritual might really be personal ambition rather than an honest desire to be more like Christ. True spirituality always brings good and Godly fruit. Eve was tempted by lust to be like God (more "spiritual") and she was tempted by a twisted truth. We, as women, are especially susceptible to this deception. That is why Paul admonishes us in 1 Tim 2:12-14, "I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor." I learned many great lessons during this time (again, another story), but the most important is that women need to stay under the authority of their husband or father...in the Lord.  I exhort moms (and especially homeschooling moms who are exposed to exhortations from homeschool leaders that are meant for their husbands) not to compare their husbands to other men whom they think are more spiritual or better spiritual leaders. It breeds discontent and can result in much damage to the integrity of the home. Your children should always see you honor and respect your husband. The greatest thing two parents can do for their children is to love and honor each other.

The "great experiment."

As the last 2 children began high school, I wanted to go back to school so that I could do something of value outside of our home when they graduated. Not being involved in any ministries at that point, I felt that the Lord could use me in a different way: nursing. It gave me an opportunity to see the world through the eyes of working mothers and women. It also gave me a skill that can be used in a number of ministries.

Mike was 100% behind me on this and I couldn't have done it without him. (I am amazed at single moms who work and care for family as they get through nursing school.) Mike feels more at ease about me being able to support myself if the Lord were to take him. Additionally, it gave both of us a skill that could eventually be used in a "tent makers" ministry.

I loved everything nursing and poured myself into it, both in school and at the hospital where I worked after I graduated. However, I never quite felt like I was all that I wished I were as a nurse. I would have described myself as a "good nurse" but not an exceptionally good nurse, mostly due to the time management structure on a busy, large General Medical Floor. After 5 years on the floor as a staff nurse, I obtained a position as a nurse educator. This was my dream job. I absolutely LOVED this job and felt confident in my skills. I had a good salary, flexible hours, great colleagues, and was right in the middle of things. I really felt that I was making a difference where I worked. But....seasons change. I had to quit school in the midst of obtaining my Master's Degree and had to quit work, also. Well, I supposed I didn't have to quit, but I never could have lived with myself had I not done so and I know that, spiritually, I would have been beating my head against a wall if I had continued working. God was definitely leading through circumstances and the prayers of others.

My mom who had the poorest health of mine and Mike's parents together, was widowed, as my dad, the "healthy" one, succumbed to bladder cancer. I became a full-time caregiver.